| The Japanese have a word for it. Shibui. The beauty | | | | nurtured and practiced throughout life. It's only when a |
| of aging.In Western culture, aging is seen as physical | | | | person attains an advanced age that he's actually |
| dementia, a loss of beauty and relevance. We're | | | | wise and capable of advising with any degree of |
| compared to people half our age and, because the | | | | certainty. Younger people bow to the elder. The |
| contrast is glaring, we're seen as damaged. There's an | | | | hardships and lessons learned in a difficult life are seen |
| interaction during conversation that occurs when | | | | as valuable; they provide the basis for words of |
| contemporaries speak; it includes a give-and-take that | | | | wisdom that may keep the younger person from |
| confirms we're being heard. As we age, that | | | | needing to suffer. The Chinese call this shih: an elegant, |
| interaction shifts and we sense we're being tolerated. | | | | insightful kind of knowledge.My lover and I are both |
| We see our wrinkles and other body changes as | | | | over fifty. We've discussed the cultural changes that |
| unacceptable and spend thousands trying to eliminate | | | | have created a wide division in life perceptions among |
| the evidence of aging. There's another, more serious | | | | generations. It's unusual to find people in our phase of |
| side-effect to aging in Western culture: chronic | | | | life who carry an I-Pod or Blackberry; we prefer to |
| depression. Being unable to shake the feeling that | | | | have conversations one-at-a-time instead of engaging |
| we're no longer wanted or needed, that our lives have | | | | in three conversations at once by using all the various |
| no value to the next generation, that we're interlopers | | | | means of communication available today. We're |
| in our families' lives, and that the longing we have to be | | | | painfully aware of the way in which we're accepted |
| included, loved, and valued will never be satisfied.The | | | | now compared to how it was ten or fifteen years |
| beauty of aging. It's only because of our culture that | | | | ago; we're rarely considered for opportunities that |
| those words seem to remain a nice thought without | | | | used to be handed to us. Since we're both vital, |
| truth. In old European cultures, families maintain | | | | intelligent, and energetic, we want to contribute |
| independence while nurturing inter-dependence among | | | | significantly to our world and find that we have to |
| generations. The aging parents live on the ground floor, | | | | generate our own possibilities now rather than seeking |
| the adult children live above with their own new family. | | | | out those already exist. What we sense and what |
| Both adult children work and the grandparents raise | | | | we're experiencing are extremely common; because |
| the grandchildren. All three generations share meals | | | | opening a discussion about aging isn't sexy or part of |
| and daily activities with a fluid, natural interaction that | | | | pop-culture, it remains in the shadows. I believe that the |
| gives everyone a deeper understanding of what each | | | | deep problems of our society can be minimized |
| can contribute. Compare this to how we deal with | | | | significantly by encouraging a shift in the perception of |
| aging in the West. Here, younger people are often | | | | age. We need to begin seeing older people as part of |
| resentful when they have to deal with their aging | | | | the natural continuity, as having wisdom that will be lost |
| parents. They hope their parents are financially | | | | if not captured, as being great receptacles of history |
| independent so they won't have to provide care. And, | | | | with observations that can serve the future. Aging |
| when care is necessary, they consider it a burden and | | | | doesn't have to be discouraging or depressing; it can |
| place the parent in facilities that diminish any possibility | | | | be a lovely phase of life that provides a calmness and |
| that their parent's life will continue to have relevance. | | | | emotional security not possible when we're |
| Much of the stress felt by families can be directly | | | | younger.The Japanese have another phrase that gives |
| connected to these decisions; how much simpler life | | | | insight to what aging can provide: ygen: an awareness |
| would be if we could adopt the European model and | | | | of the universe that triggers feelings too deep and |
| cherish the life experiences of our aging | | | | mysterious for words. It is this that I aspire to feel as I |
| families.Perhaps because the cultures are so ancient, | | | | continue the life process.Nina Brock resides in the |
| it's in the Asian countries that one finds the highest | | | | Pacific Northwest and writes articles, editorials, |
| respect for age. There, people are seen as having | | | | business papers, and fiction on a variety of topics. |
| continuity; the teachings given while young have to be | | | | |