| The Japanese have a word for it. Shibui. | | | | practiced throughout life. It's only when a |
| The beauty of aging.In Western culture, aging | | | | person attains an advanced age that he's |
| is seen as physical dementia, a loss of | | | | actually wise and capable of advising with |
| beauty and relevance. We're compared to | | | | any degree of certainty. Younger people bow |
| people half our age and, because the contrast | | | | to the elder. The hardships and lessons |
| is glaring, we're seen as damaged. There's | | | | learned in a difficult life are seen as |
| an interaction during conversation that | | | | valuable; they provide the basis for words of |
| occurs when contemporaries speak; it includes | | | | wisdom that may keep the younger person from |
| a give-and-take that confirms we're being | | | | needing to suffer. The Chinese call this |
| heard. As we age, that interaction shifts | | | | shih: an elegant, insightful kind of |
| and we sense we're being tolerated. We see | | | | knowledge.My lover and I are both over fifty. |
| our wrinkles and other body changes as | | | | We've discussed the cultural changes that |
| unacceptable and spend thousands trying to | | | | have created a wide division in life |
| eliminate the evidence of aging. There's | | | | perceptions among generations. It's unusual |
| another, more serious side-effect to aging in | | | | to find people in our phase of life who carry |
| Western culture: chronic depression. Being | | | | an I-Pod or Blackberry; we prefer to have |
| unable to shake the feeling that we're no | | | | conversations one-at-a-time instead of |
| longer wanted or needed, that our lives have | | | | engaging in three conversations at once by |
| no value to the next generation, that we're | | | | using all the various means of communication |
| interlopers in our families' lives, and that | | | | available today. We're painfully aware of |
| the longing we have to be included, loved, | | | | the way in which we're accepted now compared |
| and valued will never be satisfied.The beauty | | | | to how it was ten or fifteen years ago; we're |
| of aging. It's only because of our culture | | | | rarely considered for opportunities that used |
| that those words seem to remain a nice | | | | to be handed to us. Since we're both vital, |
| thought without truth. In old European | | | | intelligent, and energetic, we want to |
| cultures, families maintain independence | | | | contribute significantly to our world and |
| while nurturing inter-dependence among | | | | find that we have to generate our own |
| generations. The aging parents live on the | | | | possibilities now rather than seeking out |
| ground floor, the adult children live above | | | | those already exist. What we sense and what |
| with their own new family. Both adult | | | | we're experiencing are extremely common; |
| children work and the grandparents raise the | | | | because opening a discussion about aging |
| grandchildren. All three generations share | | | | isn't sexy or part of pop-culture, it remains |
| meals and daily activities with a fluid, | | | | in the shadows. I believe that the deep |
| natural interaction that gives everyone a | | | | problems of our society can be minimized |
| deeper understanding of what each can | | | | significantly by encouraging a shift in the |
| contribute. Compare this to how we deal with | | | | perception of age. We need to begin seeing |
| aging in the West. Here, younger people are | | | | older people as part of the natural |
| often resentful when they have to deal with | | | | continuity, as having wisdom that will be |
| their aging parents. They hope their parents | | | | lost if not captured, as being great |
| are financially independent so they won't | | | | receptacles of history with observations that |
| have to provide care. And, when care is | | | | can serve the future. Aging doesn't have to |
| necessary, they consider it a burden and | | | | be discouraging or depressing; it can be a |
| place the parent in facilities that diminish | | | | lovely phase of life that provides a calmness |
| any possibility that their parent's life will | | | | and emotional security not possible when |
| continue to have relevance. Much of the | | | | we're younger.The Japanese have another |
| stress felt by families can be directly | | | | phrase that gives insight to what aging can |
| connected to these decisions; how much | | | | provide: ygen: an awareness of the universe |
| simpler life would be if we could adopt the | | | | that triggers feelings too deep and |
| European model and cherish the life | | | | mysterious for words. It is this that I |
| experiences of our aging families.Perhaps | | | | aspire to feel as I continue the life |
| because the cultures are so ancient, it's in | | | | process.Nina Brock resides in the Pacific |
| the Asian countries that one finds the | | | | Northwest and writes articles, editorials, |
| highest respect for age. There, people are | | | | business papers, and fiction on a variety of |
| seen as having continuity; the teachings | | | | topics. |
| given while young have to be nurtured and | | | | |